So far so good

Couldn't get to sleep last night until after midnight, too much on my mind. Now I feel tired this morning and of course it is my day to volunteer at the hospital. I volunteer now and hopefully will find a part time job. One of my first signs of depression is not sleeping good, but I don't feel depressed. If we look for these signs, we can try to control this illness before it raises its ugly head. I find myself more in control. Not manic nor depressed. I guess more normal, if anyone really knows what normal is.

New to blogging

I am new to this, please bear with me. I have been diagnosed with bipolar for 10 years now. I believe I have suffered with this illness for most of my life but did not know what it was. I was 18, pregnant and getting married to someone I thought I loved. After seven years in this physically and emotionally abusive marriage, I left with my two beautiful sons. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home. I thought my mother was a rageaholic, a term I thought I made up to deal with whatever was wrong with her. But now I believe she also had the illness of bipolar. She would be okay and then would get out of control, come at me with a butcher knife and yell she was going to kill me. As a child you wonder what you did to deserve this, but as an adult and after years of counseling, I realize she had a mental illness called bipolar and now I, too, have this illness. It has been fifteen years since her death from cancer and I thank God that I was able to forgive her before she died. Three years after my divorce I met my now husband of almost eighteen years. I know the statistics of being married to someone diagnosed bipolar are slim, but being diagnosed bipolar is what saved my marriage. After years of struggling, the manic, the depression, I finally had an answer to what I was going through. It took me a while to accept this diagnosis but after I did I also had to accept that this was an illness, this wasn't me. So many people get caught up in stating that they are bipolar and that is not true. They have an illness called bipolar. People give bipolar too much power. After years of being hospitalized, trying every medication known to man, seeing doctors, therapist and living with bipolar with all its ups and downs, I now am at a place of normalcy. I take one medication for my mood swings, eat healthy and walk almost every day. I also see a therapist when I feel life coming at me and I don't know how to handle it. I also have the most caring and loving and understanding husband I could have. I thank God for this man every day. I also believe that my spirituality has helped me cope a lot with this illness. I will never be able to work in a stressed filled job again, but I am glad to know that I still do have a life.